Confessions to my boyos 2

You were the jerk. I was so annoyed with myself for my last choice that I actually prayed to fall for someone else, anybody else. One thing I learned from that was that desperation gets you in big trouble.
And yet you were the first guy I fell in love with for reasons you'll never geuss, you saved my life. Yes, you literally saved my life.
Back when I still believed in the goodness of you and in the "happily ever after" dream, you managed to give me reason to live. And just before that event changed me, before I became this 'over mature' girl from the 8 yr old that lived inside, before I got up the next morning to start the world anew, I fell in love.
My friends still argue it can't be love, because it wasn't returned. I remind them of the word, "unrequited" I know for sure, now more than ever, the feeling ran too deep for it to be anything else.
But I've skipped the beginning... Years ago, I saw you across the jeep, both of us strangely the only ones awake and suddenly, I couldn't stop following you with my eyes. We were in the same group and crushing on you was so easy. When you held my hand in a game once, I blushed inwardly. On the outside, I was the tough girl, my tomboyishness was getting born, the blunt manners were forming and I was on the practice grounds. I passed my diary around for everyone's email ids and was so pleased you'd written in it as well.
Weeks later, back home, one day you replied. That began a correspondence that still belies my naiviety. I still wonder why you replied, I sounded so naive, I would laugh at myself now. Then you suddenly dissapeared. You returned three months later, and then the chatting began. Then for the first time I found out you had a girlfriend, logically that should have stopped everything, but as I said, I was naive, I hoped.
One day after hour long convos, one day starting a legendary three hour convo, you saved me. Of course, that was also the day I finally understood that you would never be mine, but the torch still burned. The next day, Kita told me you were a jerk who I should stop thinking about. I found a best friend in her that day, and the same night the realisation struck me that I was in too deep. I was in love.
I went on to waste two more years on you, your inattention wearing my self-confidence away from the inside. I had little respect left for myself and almost no interest in boys. Its not really your fault. What was your fault was that even when I was glaringly apparent, you made no move to stop me. You made me run after 'the love of your life', convincing her to be with you, beacuse I couldn't bear to see you in pain. What was your fault I realy understood through somebody who did know you later. You were a player, used me and several others. I'm only grateful now that I never met you personally, lord knows whatelse I would have lost to you then. We even had a mutual friend, remember, the one who told me what you really thought of me.
The sad part is I never got free until the one after you showed up.
What makes you a right jerk, is that you've come back and forgotten who I was to you, or rather what I look like because you flirt shamelessly. You don't remeber me properly, your supposed "best camp friend".

You made me grow up, fast. I'm tentatively grateful. There is this life that you returned me to, for that a million thanks. But enough is enough, you are not a past I'll ever remember fondly, to you, from now till eternity, Goodbye.