Me

after i read "a regular walking paradox" by punkturnedwriter the third time...go read. its much better than this...this is just randomly inspired.

A "regular walking paradox"
A normal contradiction
Waiting for someone to notice
my two faced life,
but haunting the unknown,
craving for secrecy.
Hating silences
but not liking to talk
Comfortable in listening
but keeping my opinions
Tomboyishly loud
and girlishly shy,
strutting down the road
with my head down.
In flights of imagination,
with my feet on the ground,
dressed in black,
and hoping in red.
Situationally confident,
with shaking knees.
Ice cold hands
which extend to warm hugs.
Wanting romance
while scoffing at love.
Scared of death
but tired of living.
Insanely intelligent
and unfortunately dumb.
Just a normal breathing contradiction...

Lies

with me

yet so far away

three steps, five steps, seven steps

ahead of me

and i'm blindly following

i'm blind, on purpose

to the entire lie

cos if i open my eyes

and face the truth...

no the lies are safer

it still binds you to me

but the truth leaves me alone

empty, in the cold, friendless

if i challenge the lie my life will shatter

and only fools ruin their own lives

so i'll live

this bittersweet lie

until you leave

until its final

until its unavoidable

to live in reality

Note

This is for everyone who knows me personally and reads this (hopefully close to no one). i read one of my poems out my darling lil sis and her first response was that "you scare me", when asked for further explantion she mumbled, "in a worrying way". In case, lord forbid, any of you get that notion in your head, kindly clear them. Most of my poems were written due circumstances which remedied themselves. I'm fine, not neurotic or psychotic or depressed or any combination of the three... so just in case. If you weren't the least bit concerned, thank you, seriously.

Contd...

Part 2:

A set of blue illusions

dance around my eyes

I cut through them, slashing through water

I'm too old for illusions

A watch once running, but now lies aside

broken, thrown in anger, it mocked too much

A list of reasons to be handed over

So as to not hear them if they dare be repeated

Ears deaf to the noise around

Eyes blind to the brilliant scenery

The heart near dead to love

yet the spine stands straight,

now without protest.

Pride is not a thing to be trifled with

Nor for that matter is a friendship

But someone, somewhere, enjoys me at their beck and call

and I'm too old to follow

I'm too old to believe in dreams of knights in shining armor

I'm too old to believe in relationships that stand every test

I'm too old to wait in soltitude for a person who will not come.

Poem: The Last Puzzle Piece

For a while I was convinced,

that the only piece that I was missing ,

in my jigsaw puzzle of a life,

was you.

And once you returned,

I'd be complete again.

Only, it seems like you're the lost piece

of an unknown puzzle.

A me , that somewhere

between screaming and crying,

between starvation and ice-cream,

between rock and blues,

got left behind.

And the me thats left

doesn't require that last piece,

oh-so-desperately.

She is not as innocent,

not as naive,

not as unselfish,

as the previous one.

She's put up the walls again.

She prefers people that like her.

She still worries frantically,

but just not for you.

And your return,

though it was needed,

comes with an anti-climax of sorts.

I've learned to live.

I've learned to survive.

I've superglued my heart together.

So now what do I do with your piece?

Poems

I don't write good poetry that much i'll tesitfy to coz i dislike the rhyming...i'm much better off with bending prose for my purposes but when i'm in the dark moods all my prose comes with line breaks...anyways my alter ego and my muse are both insisting that they be put up after all they keep reasoning nobody you know reads this so whats the harm...and since there is noway the ppl i wrote it for or my darlin lil sis will never stumble upon this blog i'm inclined to take their advice...*deep breath* here goes...

The purple illusions

that calm for a while

then dissolve into water

as they are after all illusions.

A glance at an unbroken watch

Time is running,

and yet somebody isn't.

Reasons can be galore but

none, that my ears understand

none, that quiet my eyes as they search

for a reassuring pair

The spine creaks and aches.

It is used to standing alone

but it never leaves hope of some support

The empty corridors in my heart

and those in which I walk

Yet another glance and time's mocking flight

It jeers at my waiting, It doesn't understand

No one understands for whom my ears strain

No one understands for whom my eyes search

No one understands for whom I wait,

since forever, till forever

Not even, my lord, the one for whom I wait

Top 10 cliches

hey
i'm an avid reader at ficitionpress.com. it completes my daily dietary requirement of a good stories and cheesy romances. but i'll tell you it gets damn hard to find an original story. Everything has to work with some basic cliches...romances won't be romances without them but once in a while you seriously feel like yelling, "NOT Again". So here is my list for the top 10 cliches

• The best friend cliche - One fine day two thus far untroubled best friends wake up to realise that "yikes i think i fell for my best friend". There are endless variations of this: the oblivious best friend who takes 19 chapters to clue in with the good looking gf/bf and the obligatory going out with best friend even though i like someone else but i don't want to hurt him/her. This cliche is invetable to happen and i've written it myself but i believe whover said "pyaar dosti hain" (love is friendship) ruined potentially great guy-girl friendships.
• The Love hate cliche - If handled right this one is good fun but most of the time there will be 5 chapters of hating each other and 10 chapters of making out. My paritiality is the unjustified fight and the silent love clauses. eg "When You Own the Universe" by Secretive and "Adversary Extrodinaire" by She's Insane
• The Girl in the all-boys school cliche - It was cool once, funny even with the near misses and the poor roomie wondering if he had become gay but then there were and onslaught of them after which one gets sick of them. my fav kind would have to be "False facades" by Maeven.
• The meeting after long seperation cliche - I seriously thought hindi movies had perfected it until i joined ficpress. Whether they meet again by absolute accident (rare) or just suddenly happen to go to the same school again or suddenly realise that the huge fight they had years ago was useless...its full drama involving a gazillion flashbacks and the little damning things they'll insist on remebering. I've seen it go horribly wrong enough times.
• The Annoymous Letter cliche - Proof that everything seems easier to tell when you are talking to a complete stranger. No matter why or how you started writing your life out on paper for some else to read, it is bound to get you and insightful and kind person on the other end. Irrespective of you hating the person in reality or 'in love' with someone else the hand that writes the letter rocks the world. My Fav - "Cynic's Creed" by Robin Davis.
• The step brother/sister cliche - Yes they are not biologically related so it is not techincally incest but jeez how many of them can u read without being slightly queasy and i'm yet to see a set of parents who won't mind that their son/daughter is dating their step son/daughter. "Reasons and romance" by Myrika is the best handling i've seen
• The nerd and the popular cliche - Earlier this used to be done involving a much needed make over of a low self esteemed secretly beuatiful girl but nowadays everyone in understatedly pretty and the guy just wakes up one day to discover her and shyness is often replaced with angst and depression.
• The School Play cliche - Ah yes, The invetiable kiss written in the script that causes people stuck in cliche 1 or 2 to realise their undying love for each other which incidentally matches the script they are reading...enough said
• The Sports cliche - The guy or girl or both obssessed with the basketball/baseball/football. It either leads to severe rivalry (Swish) or the coach-player associations (Daddy's Little Girl).
• The disabilty cliche - One of them is deformed, blind, deaf, going to die, suffers from depression, has awful family, an illeligtimate sibling/child . Take your pick and the other swoops in accepting everything and willing to help them out in anything. cute but overdone

That completes my list of cliches not that i'll ever say that these types shouldn't be wirrten but once in a while origianlity is much appreciated. I personally indulge in some of them at any given time but i prefer those which have more substance than just the cliche. In case I forgot any feel free to remind me which it was...

tnt ciao

Things through my eyes

This is the never shown passage which i wrote before coming up with the story which was printed under the same title as my blog...it has many random strings of thought... can't hurt to put it up here...

Everybody has their viewpoints and this is mine. I find it very irritating that I have taken to thinking unlike the rest. After all what’s the point of trying to blend in into the crowd where everybody wants to stand out. There are interesting things I have learnt in 14 yrs that I don’t think all my classmates did. Like I find it very strange that we hold all our expectations from a few set of people. We keep a strong grudge in case something isn’t done by someone close to us. What is stranger still is that we don’t thank the other people who do the same. We notice the ones who actually comfort us, respect us and help us later than the ones who promise they will in times of need. I’m not saying that our friends shouldn’t be trusted but that we should also appreciate the rest. The rest, those people who strive to bridge the gap between them and you, those people who are the first to notice when you aren’t in a good mood and are trying hard to hide it, those people who you make fun of the entire time but in the end it is those people with whom you have those perchance three minute conversations in which your life spills out.
It takes just three minutes to know everything about the other person’s life, three minutes to know whether it will be good natured to prod on or just plain nosy, three minutes or actually less to know that the person in front of you will be there at your next birthday or be the only person who refuses to wish you, the one you’ll turn towards when your life feels like it’s crashing on your feet or the one who will cause it to crash in the first place.
The thing I find strangest is that even if we were ready to bet our lives on our friends today we might be at their throats tomorrow over a trifling matter. It seems as if our worst enemy is our closest friend. Must we hurt those who we (pardon the exaggeration) love the most? We don’t listen to excuses if we favor the person instead deny that ‘such a thing’ couldn’t have been done by them or if the fact was to hard to ignore we simply deny that we knew the person in the first place. It is not easy to forget friends and it is definetly not easy to make them forget you. Sometimes it is harder to say good bye to a friend than one’s own mother (which the mother, if I may say, find very aggravating). In my point of view, when we get to a certain age from when on we belong more to our friends than our family after all ‘ friends are the siblings God forgot to give us’

Boredom Vs Work and I'm losing

heylos..

so i've ranted and raved and gotten enough sympathy but yet again i return to rant. hey it's what i do best (lying).

Work just never lets up...naru gives 2 exercises per day,
"beta itna nahi kar sakte toh board mein paper kaise doge? aur main toh course khatam kar doonga magar tumhe kuch samjh nahi aayega"

thank you sooo much meherbani ki agar aap nahi hote toh hamara kya hota...urghh itna gussa chadta hai mann karta bhag jaun but my mum would murder me...already she's threatening a chem tutor cos i don't study enough...bachao anyone...

but rant apart if i had no work i will seriously drive myself nuts... i've downloaded every conceivable playable game of the net, downloaded every song i could remember (yaar, kisi ke paas euphoria ka mehfuz ho to bhej do pls), msgd random people, and finally blogged here (which i constantly forget about). so in short I have nothing left to do...and if i quit tution as well i won't even have my (non)precious work so gah...i'll deal...

any one who actually read this bloody thing (i've suddenly been linked to the only two blogs i read) n sympathizes, you are obvoiusly no friend of mine cos all of them have sucky lives too...

hmm...now i feel better...i think i'll start Zuma again...hmm level 8...

ciao

Ok...so why do ppl blog again? + randomness

Hey
I'm intelligent most of the time but I'm beyond understanding why the whole world (including urs truly) blogs... i get those ppl who are updating friends with their life which they ordinairily can't manage or those who are showing off their creativity kudos to you but random people who just like putting up their life on display,
moi... hey no one reads this, it's like my online diary almost. randomness being my motto always. auggh i'm driving my self nuts as is. So...what to say? my hols started and here is my pro and con list --
pros:
no irritating N students
no HUSSAIN (hallelujiah)
no Boring english classes lacking well everything
no surviving on 5 hrs of sleep
cons
no annoying but entertaining O students
no friends (not daily in person at least)
no funny comments in class
nothin to do xcept tution

so there i'm not sure whether to jump with joy or wail so drag everyday till i'm sick n tired of it
yawn... i know neways
ciao!!!

RIP 11th O

I announce with regret that 11th O died today after facing a grim battle with the authorities. It's children the everfaithful Woohites have shifted/merged with their neighbouring class to form the new 12th N [+O]. As death approached it gave hope that it may still be alive in spirit.

after that sad annoucement, all i have to say is Bah, whatever. I still have 26 of my classmates and at the worst i'll manage to survive in 12th N (ugh) It contains two weird specimens who i'll not name for my safety. Then of course I have been uncerimoniusly been displaced from my seat next to Riddhi...I'll sit next to Aastha G till friday after which I'll be displaced YET again when Suhani returns and shall probably end up behind the backbenchers...Nahinn...*strikes dramatic pose* the only fact stopping me from well running away is that i've -6months and counting left of this class after which i'll be displaced(fav word of the day) from school alltogether being ancient enough to finally graduate(yikes). If I go insane and un understandable you now know what caused it!

signing off